Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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