C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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