# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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