Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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