What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
