You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
