I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize