She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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