I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
