Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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