i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
