just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
