Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Of course I have a pirate flag
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
