I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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