Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
