Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
