I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
