Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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