Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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