Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize