So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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