You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
