I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
