working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
