If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
