I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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