Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
