For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
