I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
