I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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