Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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