The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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