Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
