Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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