addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
