He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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