I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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