Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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