I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
