Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize