using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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