i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
