I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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