I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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