You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize