i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There are leaves in my underwear?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
