Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
