I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
