And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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