I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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