and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
