Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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