I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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