How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize