Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
pray to the hookup gods
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
