You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
