who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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