We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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