Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
