Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize