Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
