burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize