he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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