new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
