You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
