How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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