Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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