If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize