I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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