I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
