I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
