I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
