I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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