Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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