I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
