Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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