So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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