I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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