I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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