She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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