I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
