he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
