Is it normal to miss your booty call?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
