i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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