You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
