I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
