My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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