I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
