I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
